Scared or Terrified?

Do you ever get scared? Are you scared of anything in particular?
I don't like spiders and if one gets on me I am scared! I don't like bees and I tend to run away which everyone says is the wrong reaction, but they scare me! I am also afraid when I am faced with a difficult decision and always second guess myself. I am afraid for my country. I am afraid for my son, Tyler, who leaves in February to basic training for the Air Force. I am also most afraid that I won't be able to find a place of employment. That's right. I'm looking for employment. I have been living on a commission only salary for seven years now and with the market the way it is currently, I can't keep on doing real estate, so I have been sending out my resume to find someone who will speak to me about job.

Well, on Monday I got that call. I was informed that the Davidson County Clerk of Court had received my resume and wanted me to come in for an interview on Thursday at 11:30. I couldn't believe it! Finally someone who would take the time to see that I do have skills!

Today was the big day. I was very nervous about the interview. You see, it has been at least 10 years since my last interview, so I didn't quite know what to expect. I awoke early this morning, took Denton to school and came back home and ironed my best outfit, made sure I was presentable and awaited the 11:00 hour to leave the house. When 11:00 arrived I went into my bedroom, knelt beside my bed and said a long prayer for God to give me the wisdom needed and the right words to say and to help me not be so fearful. After all, it was just an interview!

I left the house at about 11:10 and arrived at the courthouse at 11:25.I went into the clerk's office and checked in for my appointment. The nice lady at the desk handed me a sheet of paper and told me to take a look at it. This was a paper with the descriptions of the positions in which I would be interviewing for. Then she proceeded to tell me that she had to take my picture to attach to my application. So she came around to the waiting area, clicked the picture and as soon as I went to sit in my seat to view the paper, Mr. Brian Shipwash, Clerk of Court, came out to greet me for my interview.

You see, I know Brian well. He is a dear friend of mine and if I have ever needed anything, he has always been there for me to answer my questions. So I knew I would feel comfortable with him. For an instant I felt less nervous. Then he said "Come on in and join us!"
Yes he said us, meaning more than one.
My "not so nervous" self became a little more scared and then as I walked into his office I saw five ladies, yes I said FIVE LADIES, sitting at a conference table and a chair at the front for ME!!!
Panic you say?? No, I was terrified. I must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights! I have never been more terrified in all my life!

For those of you who don't know, I have sang solo's in front of a thousand people and never once felt this terrified!!

I remember saying hello to everyone and I remember Brian telling me about the process of hiring and what to expect, but after that, I don't remember a thing. I was numb! I don't know what words came out of my mouth.I don't know if I stuttered. I do remember my voice shaking and me pausing for a moment and taking a deep breath and expressing to the board that I was nervous, but after that I don't remember much! I just remembered in my head that God was with me and He would get me through this situation.

As I ended my interview and as I was leaving Brian's office, I recall fumbling through my pocketbook for my keys. Where were they? I know there in here somewhere! The nice lady behind the desk said " Are you OK?I looked at her and said "I can't find my keys. I am so nervous about that interview that I can't find my keys!! She said " It will be OK. I'm sure you did fine. It can be very intimidating." Finally, I found my keys and expressed my thanks to her and walked out the door. When I got into my car I was literally shaking all over. I'm not exaggerating people! I was shaking so bad that I could barely push in my clutch to start my car!

I immediately headed to Wes' shop. For those of you who don't know who Wes is, he has been my boyfriend for almost three years now. When I saw him I proceeded to tell him how terrified I was. I was still shaking from the experience! I hugged him and for a few minutes I felt better. We then went to lunch and then I headed to the office and had to tell the story again! Everyone thought it was funny except me. Everyone kept saying " I'm sure you did fine!" and all I could think of was what a blubbering idiot I must have been in front of those nice people!!

The worst part is, I really would like to have this opportunity, but I'm afraid I blew it! So I prayed, again and again. I need to put my faith and trust in Him and I know without a doubt if that is where he wants me to be, then that is where I will have a new career. If not, I know something else will come along. So with that I wait. I'm not sure if I will get a callback. I'm not sure if they want to call me at all. But I'm hoping that I do receive some kind of word from someone be it good or bad. But I must trust in the Lord with all my might! This is just another test of my faith and I'm not going to fail this one.

The only down side is that if I do receive a call back, I have to do at least one more interview!!!
And so it goes......

Peace and Prosperity to all!

Mommamel

So Here It Goes

Welcome! I have been wanting to start my own blog and finally have done it. But why I picked a Saturday night at 11:25pm is beyond me. I am tired, I have had a stressful day, but I am here writing. I have to give my sister a thank you for me wanting to express myself through blogging. As I read her blogs, I strive to become a better person and desire to get back into something I love to do....which is write!
I am not near as good as she is, but I'll give it a shot.
I will be putting my thoughts together and composing soon but until then....peace, love and prosperity to all and I'll see you again soon!

Mel